17th August 1730
You won’t believe this. There I was, trying to build my own kingdom from scratch. I was the best king ever, hired the locals, gave them steady jobs… when all of a sudden we got attacked and some munchkin freak-of-nature stole my crown!
I got so upset… I turned into a woman.
No, really, a woman! How crazy is that? Excuse me while I go brush my hair – I can’t go out looking like I slept in a barn. Even if I did sleep in a barn.
23rd August 1730
I don’t get it. I gave them money and food. Well, just money. We don’t have food yet. Still, my warriors all bundle up on the left side of my castle! Who’s taking care of the right side?
If we’re gonna get attacked on the right side, and they’ll all be gathered up on the left… I’m so gonna throw their salary in the river.
23rd August 1730 – Night
It was the right side. Three barricades, all gone. The monsters ate most of my archers and, for some odd reason, a carpenter. Why would they eat my carpenters?
Then the slime-monsters came. I know it’s the middle ages, but do we all need eye checks or something? How can you miss a slime-monster? They’re HUGE!
I should’ve listened to mother and become a manure salesman. Pardon, saleswoman.
24th August 1730
I quit. I don’t even know why I tried to build a kingdom in this swamp anyway.
Lost my crown again. I chased the Lollipop Guild until I managed to recover it, but then it got knocked off again. That’s it, no more.
…and now I’m a man. I need to change my ID card again. DAMMIT!