May 2nd 1911
Here I am, workin’ on this here farm, helping the farmlady and her family. Can’t complain, food ain’t bad. Think I’ll like it here.
May 3rd 1911
Wanted to salute a gentleman today. Accidentally shot his leg off. Twas an accident, I swear. I know that it doesn’t happen too often, but at least I apologized.
The Sherriff didn’t like it. I’m off to jail for a month.
June 4th 1911
Out of jail, time to get on my horse. Darn this dumb animal, it won’t go right. I keep trying to steer him properly and all he does is go wherever he wants to go.
Bumped into the Sherriff, sent him flying into a nearby telegraph pole. *sigh* Here I go back to prison.
July 5th 1911
I got out of prison, while the Sherriff got out of the hospital. Today is a good day, I can feel it. Think I might pop in the nearby saloon and wet my whistle a bit.
The piano player is quite skilled. Think I’m gonna ask him to play “Suzanna”, one of my favorite songs.
…ah, fiddlesticks. I did it again. Now, I’m quite sure such a skilled piano player can play without one arm… but he may find it difficult to play without one head.
August 6th 1911
Okay, no more horse, no more gun… I’m just gonna walk into that bloody saloon and drink. Here I go!
One drink – yeehaw! Nobody died yet, I’m feelin’ good!
Second drink – All is calm and well, the night is young!
Three drink – Yep, keep ‘em coming!
Drink four – Yeah yeah, just shut up and leave the bottle.
Faiv drnk – ….
Next drnk… anothr dnk…blnk….bluarghbleargh…. where’s m… where’s m’ hoarse? Gotta git on m’ hoarse and ride into the *hiccup* into the sunset… like dem moviez…
Gon’ *hic!* gon’ git on mah hoarse… There we go, no wait… heh, silly me, got on back—backw—*hic!* other way’round! Hehe… There we go. Onward, Prancer, away!
…
Ran over the Sherriff again. He ain’t getting up this time.
Dammit.
September 7th 1911
You know what? I don’t even like being all polite n’ stuff! Gonna git mahself a gun and shoot everyone in this stupid town!
…
Shot mah horse.
I quit.