Jun 14, 2016

The Player’s Diary – Viscera Cleanup Detail

21st October

Dear Diary,

I started my dream job! All this hard work, all this training for years and years. Finally, I can proudly dress up in my special uniform and present myself as Carl, the janitor!

I’m here to make the world better, cleaner, shinier!

22nd October

Dear Diary,

Apparently, one of the most difficult lessons I still have to overcome is my ability to cope with OTHER janitors. There’s this guy, Bill, and he messes up everything.

There we were, on the space station, cleaning up after a terrible massacre that took place – guts and body parts everywhere – and this Bill guy comes up to me and purposefully tips my bucket over! How rude!

I pretend not to notice and carry on working. I swear, he’s really messing up my dreams here.

23rd October

Dear Diary,

Bill did it again. I was trying to put all the barrels nice and tidy in a freshly cleaned-up corner, and here comes Mr. Destruction with his blaster, blowing everything up!

And later, guess what? I spent half an hour figuring out how to obtain a new light from the machine, you know, so I can clean up the dark places as well… and here he comes, tips it over, breaks it and BAM everything goes haywire. I scrubbed the floors twice as much to get rid of the ashes and remains from the explosion.

I swear, if he does this again…

24th October

Dear Diary,

I’ve had it! I just took my mop and whacked Bill over the head multiple times. He was ultra rude today! I had painstakingly gathered all the blood and gore from the rooms, put them in a nice basket, and here comes Stoopid-Beell and whacks it over.

All those tiny arms and fingers and eyeballs scattered once more and the mess was horrendous and the blood and ARGH!

I hate Bill. I hate him I hate him! I tossed the basket on his head, that’ll teach him!

25th October


I cleaned up the space station. All good, shiny and sparkly. No human remains anywhere.

No human remains.





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